In England they can’t take photos of your children. I find them outside my...– Paul Bettany
usot: Because this wasn’t being advertised as a SERIES finale, does that mean there won’t be an epic ending? No closure. Will it just be a cliff hanger? I want an epic last episode, with sad music and tearful heartfelt last messages. PLEASE AT LEAST GIVE ME THAT SHOWTIME! However, killing off characters would not be okay.
One last question, do you now, or have you ever had a problem with alcohol?”...
Just remember, you can’t hear the world laughing at you if you’re...
Maybe we are the way we are because of the people we’re with. But maybe we...– Wisdom from Modern Family
…you’ve been trying to grow your hair out for the better part of a year,...– Outsourced
Turns out god is about treating other people with respect and kindness. If you...– You Killed Wesley Payne.
Tara?” “Jack?” “Consider me converted.
LISA: I have been instructed by a website to dissolve all my prescription pain relievers into kitty litter before I throw them away. This way, I can save the people waiting by my trashcan to steal them from using them improperly. Humans are weird.
Maybe people digging through trash deserve to have their Vicodin untainted by kitty litter.
Commenter: Wait… who the hell has excess Vicodin to throw away? Be realistic here, Lisa!
Went to a party at the house across the street… 3 piñatas! Clearly these...– LISA
In order to take your lunch to work, you must transport the food items in the...– LISA
We were in Kroger’s yesterday and Tigo wanted a snack. He wanted $30 fruit and...– LISA
Dogs are like kids that you can leave home alone at night without CPS finding...– LISA
I hope you will all purchase my new self-help book, Indifference. It will change...– LISA
Feel like I suck at everything today. I don’t even think I am converting oxygen...– LISA
What can selflessness do for ME?– LISA
Geico needs a new ad agency. I am going to post some job descriptions on Career...– LISA
I can’t keep up with high-energy people early in the morning. Or ever, really.– LISA
I wonder what the Chilean miners think of the tragedy of cruise ship passengers...– LISA
Bought a live squid at the Mexican market. I am now training it to predict the...– LISA
Ridiculous things people say they would save in a... →